The first phone call: Don't Leave a Message. Note: For reasons of simplicity, the term 'answering machines' is intended to also include voice-mail, pagers, and other electronic communication devices designed to give or take messages.

Asking 30 women for their private phone numbers will get you ten numbers, and those ten will result in only three dates with women who have high Interest in you.

The other seven who gave you their private number have low Interest Level. For them, the answering machine or voice mail is a great weapon.

For a woman, voice mail does her dirty work while a man thinks of it as a convenience.

Talk to the Woman, not her Machine

When you leave a message, you're not in control, you are putting HER in control. You're trying to find your way in the dark.

Did she actually get the message? After all, we've all erased messages accidentally. Did her machine run out of tape? Does she check her voice mail often? If she did get the message, when did she get it?

These are all unknowns and because they are, you are not in Control. Most importantly, you cannot judge her level of interest if you cannot talk to her. So what should you do?

One of the most common complaints of women is about guys who call, and call, and keep calling and leaving messages. "Don't they get it? Don't they understand I don't want to go out with them?" is the comment most often heard from these women. When asked, why they gave their number out in the first place, overwhelmingly, the response was "I couldn't say no to his face when he asked me for my number."

So what these women did, and continue to do, is use their answering machine as a buffer. It's a mechanical–or electronic–excuse for not talking to a guy they didn't have high Interest Level in anyway.

Sorry to say, most guys don't have a clue about how this works. But every woman does.

So what is the solution? How do we interpret and handle her use of the answering device.

First, after you get the number, I always recommend waiting 4-9 days before calling.

Identifying a "Screener"

You got her private phone number, waited 5-9 days, and started calling.

You called at 6pm, 7pm, 8pm and 9pm and got her voicemail every time. You did this on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday with the same results, her voicemail.

Either she is out of town, deceased, or you've got a control freak on your hands, a "screener" who may never answer her phone.

We ask, "Why does she hand out her private phone number if she's not going to answer her phone?"

In the case of the screener, she's there, listening to the messages, getting the calls, and she enjoys the screening process. She's in control and you don't know where you stand.

So you've called Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, four times each evening. That's 12 calls, and you got voicemail or her answering machine every time. Assuming she isn't out of town and you have NOT left a message until now, here's what to do.

The following Monday, leave your name and phone number and no message. DO NOT tell her you've been trying to reach her all week. DO NOT tell her you've called 12 times. DO NOT leave anything on her answering machine or voicemail but your name and telephone number. Then, forget about her.

It's a good bet that she will NEVER call you. In cases like this, perhaps one in ten will call back, and usually with a question like "Who are you and where did we meet?" If that's not a sign of low Interest Level, what is?

Today, thanks to 'Caller I-D,' the person you're calling knows your number. And many answering devices will indicate a call from your phone, even though you don't leave a message.

After calling her once, before calling her again, it's a good idea to disable the caller I-D feature.

Check with your phone provider to find out how to disable it. The method may vary between phone systems so you should contact the phone company in your area to determine how to do this. If she has 'call blocking', allowing only identified phone numbers to get through, you will have to use a public telephone or your work phone to call or she will see your repeated and desperate attempts to reach her. And she will know you are definitely not a Challenge.